Oldboy

Film: Oldboy (2003)
Dir: Chan-wook Park
Tagline: 15 years in a jailcell; only 5 days to seek revenge.
Rating: ****1/2 out of 5 stars



It's pretty obvious by now that Asians make better movies than us. This one is no exception.

What impresses me most about Oldboy is Park's direction. Absolutely stunning! It's a real goddamn shame that he turned down the Evil Dead remake - that would have been incredible! The acting is also really good, especially Min-sik Choi who intitially caught my attention in the trailer because he reminds me of Gary Oldman for some reason.

If you haven't heard of the movie, here is the basic premise: Man is locked away for fifteen years and he has no idea why. One day he is released and told he must find out who did this to him or suffer the consequences. So he sets out to solve the mystery and seek revenge.



Some of the movie gets really confusing and weird. But by the end it all comes together, and the twist ending is quite a mindfuck. And the more I thought about it afterwards, the more and more it disturbed me. It's pretty cool.

The plot is engaging, Choi is hella fun to watch, and there is enough fighting and gore to satisfy bloodhounds like myself. But most of all, Park's style is what makes this film. I hear Hollywood wants to remake it in America, but no matter how good that might be, it'll never recapture the feel of this one. Park is one talented dude and I just keep praying he'll change his mind about Evil Dead.

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Doom

Film: Doom (2005)
Dir: Andrzej Bartkowiak
Tagline: Hell Breaks Loose.
Rating: *** out of 5 stars



Okay, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and shock you all....I liked this movie. In retrospect, I'm not entirely sure why. It's quite possiblly because of my good mood that night. In any case, it boils down to this: I had fun watching it!

The harshest critics of this movie aren't the boring old men, but uptight video game nerds. Call me a traitor if you like, but I don't see the big fuckin deal in the movie changing some of the video game details. It's just like all those LOTR or Harry Potters geeks pitching fits over how much the movie adaptations omitted. If the movie was exactly like the source, then what's the point of making it?!

Let's face it - the "Doom" video game had a lame story that can't really be stretched into a whole movie unless you add some shit. So brav-fuckin-o to the filmmakers for trying to make it into something watchable! They still included a lot of Biblical Hell-related context to stay loyal to the original story. But GOD FORBID they actually write something original instead of carbon- copying the video game! VG fans need to grow up and not judge movies when they don't understand them. Filmmakers don't tell you how to make games, so shut it!

hehe, anyway....the movie is fun. Simple as that. Despite all the comparisons to Aliens, I think it reminded me more of Predator - not the smartest movie ever made, but chock full of man -vs- monster violence. There's no deep underlying message (except for the usual "when science goes too far" lesson). It's just a lot of gory fun. That's another thing I like about it - it didn't pussy out for a PG-13 rating. There is sufficient gore, and even better - a lot of the SFX are practical, like suits (Stan Winston Studios!) and prosthetics.

As for the actors, I don't really have any complaints. Wasn't really keen on Karl Urban at first, (though I've always liked him before), but he grew on me. Sarg (The Rock) and the rest of the Marines are entertaining enough. I was even sad to see some of them die.

I found myself not at all bored or looking at my watch. In fact, I had to piss REALLY bad but didn't leave cause I didn't wanna miss anything. Doom jumps right into the action from the start and doesn't let go. My biggest complaint is probably the abrupt, awkward ending but by that point, I had already been having too much fun to care.

So what of the first-person-shooter POV? I went in expecting to hate it, but I didn't. You could already tell the movie doesn't take itself seriously, and every new crazy thing it did had me rolling with laughter or cheering. The FPS was just another one of those things. It felt like slipping yourself into a game of Doom for just a few minutes and the result was a blasty blast.

I'm really shocked myself at my high opinion of this movie. Maybe it was my mood, but I had a good time and I recommend it. Once again, it's not brilliant or profound - it's a lot of violent fun, just like the video game it is based on. Did anyone ever play "Doom" to be intellectually stimulated? No, they played to watch ugly monsters get blown to shit. So if that's what you're after, then unbunch your panties and check out Doom.

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Serenity

Film: Serenity (2005)
Dir: Joss Whedon
Tagline: They aim to misbehave.
Rating: ***** out of 5 stars



I bet you think I only write bad reviews, eh? Let me say firstly that I have always had a vendetta against Joss Whedon because he created the most overrated piece of crap show ever - "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". However, Serenity completed changed my perspective. Well, not on Buffy, she still sucks. But this movie is friggin AWESOME!

Some people convinced me to watch the "Firefly" pilot beforehand, but I don't think it made much of a difference in me liking the film. I was only mildly impressed by the show, but the movie blew me away. I've already seen it twice and will likely go again. I'm always hesitant to name a new movie as one of my favorites, especially when I had mixed feelings about seeing it in the first place. But I can't deny that this is an instant favorite of mine, and I'm not even a "Firefly" fan.

I can't pinpoint a single flaw. The minor issues I originally had were smoothed out when I realized I had misunderstood them. The film's biggest flaw is something I cannot share because it is a spoiler, but those who have seen it probably know what I'm talking about ("I am a leaf on the wind"). I don't know if it's so much a flaw as something Whedon really should've left out for the sake of the audience.

Serenity is action-packed, funny, moving, and has a great story. I hope Whedon keeps this up so he can oust George Lucas as the leading filmmaker of space fiction. I just hope Joss isn't a 1-hit wonder like Lucas (or "3-hit wonder" if you wanna call it that). In any case, Serenity is definitely joining the ranks on my DVD shelf, and if you know me, you know that is quite a select group.

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Walking Tall

Film: Walking Tall (2004)
Director: Kevin Bray
Tagline: One man will stand up for what's right.
Rating: ** out of 5 stars



Let me say first off, I have not seen the original so I cannot compare.

Before watching this movie, my brother said: "It actually has a story, it's not all about The Rock smashing people head's in with a 2x4."

He was right...regrettably. I think I would've preffered more head-smashing. The story is pretty generic stuff, and about as intelligent as an old Chuck Norris film. Luckily, it's a very short movie. Unfortunately, almost none of that hour and a half is exciting. It isn't nearly as action-packed as the advertisements make it seem.

It's overwhelmingly apparent that the only reason Johnny Knoxville is in this movie is to be the "funny man" to The Rock, which is a pathetic attempt to replicate the Seann William Scott-Rock chemistry in The Rundown. It doesn't even come close.

If you're bored and looking for a laidback popcorn movie, it's not that bad. There are much worse movies out there. Sometimes brainless can be fun - though I prefer my brainless movies with a little more violence.

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Waiting....

Film: Waiting...(2005)
Director: Rob McKittrick
Tagline: What happens in the kitchen ends up on the plate.
Rating: *1/2 out of 5 stars



When this movie was being promoted, everyone kept saying, "It's like the Office Space for restaurant workers!" But you know what movie did that better? OFFICE SPACE! Remember Chotchkie's? Remember Mike Judge's flare-obsessed manager? I know it was only a small portion of the film, but that small portion was better in every way than Waiting....

I'll give McKittrick slack because this is his first film. And who knows, maybe in time it'll grow on me a little like Old School and Van Wilder did. But I was mostly bored watching it, and it had moments where it was painfully unfunny. For one thing, seeing Ryan Reynolds (Monty) play the same character over and over again gets VERY OLD. It was cute back in the Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place days, but now it's just repetitious. Side note: I never thought I'd get to a point where I liked Nathan Fillion (who was Johnny on TGAGAAPP) more than Reynolds, but I do.

But back to Waiting....it has no plot whatsoever. Character development? Yeah, right. We got small glimpses into Monty's secret insecurities through an ex-girlfriend, but the film goes nowhere with that. None of the characters are adequately developed, they're all just generic "types".

Ok, so aside from all the usual filmmaking necessities, it boils down to this: Is it funny? Not particularly, no. Maybe if you like the same penis joke repeated for an hour and a half (not even different penis jokes - the same one over and over). The occasional absurd dialogue made me smirk or even chuckle, but mostly I was bored.

The most redeemable part of the movie is Dane Cook. I swear to Aisha I am not saying that out of bias. He really had some of the funniest lines, despite having such a small role. Luis Guzman is also pretty funny. But why does Chi McBride talk like Bugs Bunny? Who knows.

Waiting.... is nothing but a crude, witless movie. I'd probably only recommend it to patient, hardcore Dane Cook fans. Otherwise, I'd suggest waiting for the next Mike Judge or Judd Apatow film.

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Domino

Film: Domino (2005)
Director: Tony Scott
Tagline: "Heads You Live. Tails You Die."
Rating: * out of 5 stars



(Ok folks, this is the review I submitted for publication in the campus newspaper. I need to know what you think! Leave comments!!)

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“Caution: If you have a heart condition or epilepsy, you should not watch this film.”

Such a warning label should have accompanied Domino, a movie with so many flashing lights and repetitious beats that you are lucky if you leave the theatre with only a headache. It is gritty, chaotic, noisy and above all, completely unapologetic.

The latest action film by director Tony Scott (Enemy of the State) loosely follows the life of Domino Harvey, the real life model-turned-bounty hunter who recently died of a drug overdose in Los Angeles. “Loosely” is the key word, since Scott and screenwriter Richard Kelly, who penned the cult hit Donnie Darko, have twisted Harvey’s story into a grungy, hyperactive acid trip of a movie, in which the line between reality and fiction is blurred beyond recognition.

Born of famous parents, Domino (Keira Knightley, Pirates of the Caribbean) longs to trade her rich, privileged life for one of excitement. Bored of private schools and modeling jobs, she joins a motley crew of bounty hunters, including Mosbey (Mickey Rourke, Sin City) and Choco (newcomer Edgar Ramirez) who become her surrogate family.

After establishing themselves as LA’s most infamous bail agents, the gang is approached by television producer Mark Heiss (Christopher Walken, The Rundown), who makes them the stars of the new reality show, “Bounty Squad”. What follows is a nearly incoherent mess involving stolen money, a sick child, mobsters, frat boys, and the FBI. All these events are told in the form of flashbacks to a federal investigator portrayed by Lucy Lui, who seemingly serves no actual purpose in this film.

The leading actors, particularly Knightley, are very enjoyable but unfortunately their talents go to waste here. Walken, who provides his trademark one-liners, does not receive nearly enough screen time, and Rourke, whose character had great potential, is gradually forgotten as the film wildly veers off-course.

Instead of the actors taking the spotlight, Scott’s self-indulgent camera trickery desperately screams, “Look at me!” His hyper-kinetic camera movements and echoing dialogue (how many times do we need to hear Domino say, “I am a bounty hunter”?) are shining examples of a filmmaker trying way too hard to be edgy and cool. In reality, Scott blatantly rips off the work of other directors (Tarantino, Ritchie, Soderbergh) or simply recycles techniques he overused in his previous films (Man on Fire). Even Domino’s conclusion is directly stolen from True Romance, one of Scott’s better works.

The film cannot focus on a single shot for more than five seconds, instead cutting to the same visual icons over and over (coins symbolize fate – okay, we get it!). The plot also flies off on fantastical tangents involving Jerry Springer and a mysterious prophet.

To its defense, Domino packs some exciting, brutal moments and funny dialogue. Harvey’s story is immensely interesting, but sadly the film butchers it for the sake of satirizing reality television - the film’s feeble attempt at social commentary. Any meaning the story might have had is lost in the movie’s frantic, color-bleached style.

At one point, a character refers to Walken’s character as having “the attention span of a ferret on meth.” That one line accurately sums up this movie. While watching a small animal under the influence of stimulants might seem entertaining, I dare you to tolerate it for 133 mind-numbing minutes.

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