The Fantastic Four

Title: The Fantastic Four (2005)
Dir: Tim Story
Tagline: Prepare for the fantastic.
Rating: *1/2 out of 5 stars



What can one say about The Fantastic Four that hasn't already been said in dozens of brutal reviews?

Um.

Not much. I didn't hate the movie as much as I expected. Sure the acting was horrible, and sure the special effects were special like a child with Down's Syndrome, and sure the film completely violated the comic books. But is that any reason to dislike it? haha, of course. Still, I'm pretty apathetic toward it. Just another piece of crap comic book adapation.



My primary motivation for seeing this was Julian McMahon as Dr. Doom (see above). I love me some Nip/Tuck. I didn't care for him at the beginning (just the same ol rich-asshole character, but not nearly as interesting as Christian Troy), but as his evilness increased, he got more intriguing. His powers and his wicked costume make Dr. Doom cool no matter what. He is pretty much the best part of the movie. Yes, better than everybody's favorite wise-cracking human torch. Eh, Johnny Storm was okay. I do enjoy snapping and saying, "...but everywhere!"

Sue Storm and The Thing were fuckin annoying as hell. And the movie has SO many ridiculous plot holes and errors, it is mind boggling. Do these people even watch the film before they release it?

Seriously, do monkeys write their screenplays? Ok, probably not. That'd be wishful thinking.

Despite my bitching, it's no Uwe Boll. It's not Orca. It's just another run-of-the-mill Marvel turd (this of course excludes quality work from quality directors such as Bryan Singer). Watch at your own risk, citizen.

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The Baxter

Title: The Baxter (2005)
Dir: Michael Showalter
Tagline: A romantic comedy for anyone who's ever been dumped.
Rating: *** out of 5 stars



First off, I want to say: if you don't know who Michael Showalter is, SHAME ON YOU. Between Wet Hot American Summer, Stella, and The State, he has established himself as one talented, hilarious mo-fo. Having said that, here is my review of his latest film, The Baxter.

In your average romantic comedy, there is always that moment where the lead female character realizes she is with the wrong man and runs to the arms of Mr. Right in the film's final moments. And they live happily ever after.

But what about the guy who got ditched? Does anyone give a damn about him? Sometimes he is portrayed as a complete asshole (for examples, see The Wedding Singer or Wedding Crashers). This is done so the audience won't feel bad about him ultimately being dumped. But realistically, they aren't always assholes - not in the movies, and not in real life.

That is what The Baxter is basically about - the guy who gets dumped for the "better" man. It opens with Elliott (Showalter) being left at the alter, cutting right to the inevitable ending. But this movie tells the story of the other man; the man who has always lived his life as a "baxter": the lovable loser whom the heroine settles for because Mr. Right is not yet attainable.

I really love that concept. The film spoofs romantic comedies but remains cute and funny like a good romcom should be. And Elliott proves that the dumpee is not always some random asshole but a good person who deserves love too.

The movie packs a wonderful supporting cast: Michelle Williams (who I previously didn't care for, but she's great here); Elizabeth Banks, Zak Orth, Paul Rudd, Michael Ian Black, Joe Lo Truglio, A.D. Miles, David Wain (all Wet, Hot veterans); and Justin Theroux.

It may be no surprise who Elliott ends up with (is it ever?) but that doesn't lessen its appeal. It's cute, amusing, and I'll watch anything with members of The State in it. And you should too.

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King Kong

Title: King Kong (2005)
Dir: Peter Jackson
Tagline: The eighth wonder of the world.
Rating: ***1/2 out of 5 stars



This movie pretty much gave me what I expect of Peter Jackson: beautiful images, interesting monsters, the ability to make me feel touched and disturbed interchangably, and those great special effects (though I do miss the old days of prosthetic gore and fake blood by the gallons).

Anyone who knows me knows why I like PJ, and it has nothing to do with hobbits. But I did enjoy King Kong. The big ape isn't my favorite Jacksonian primate (that title still goes to a certain Sumatran rat monkey) but Kong is pretty cool.

I'll start with the actors:

* Naomi Watts. I love this chick. She is great in Kong, and it comes as no surprise. Just looking at her, you entirely believe why Denham (Jack Black) wants her so badly for his movie. She's got that beautiful-and-vulnerable-and-yet-strong thing down perfect. And if the movie's emotional plot turns aren't enough to make you cry, Watts has the most infectious tears ever. Even if you hated The Ring with a passion (*cough* DJ *cough*), you can't deny that she is fantastic here.

* Adrien Brody. I'm not a big fan of this guy. He's pretty good in this one though, though I had a difficult time deciding how I felt about his character. I didn't especially want him and Ann to get together, even more so once Kong came into the picture. But I think Jackson understood that disconnection between the audience and the character, so he didn't push it. I think some of Brody's stuff in the first hour could've been trimmed, but he was good in his role.

* Jack Black. I like Jack Black (if only for High Fidelity alone). I wasn't sure he could do a more serious role like this, but he pulled it off. He has those manic eyes that suit a director with an insane vision. I would have liked a little more about his character in the end (like coming to grips with what he's done and the loss of his life's work), but I respect PJ's decision to stick to the outline of the original movie.

* Others: In summary, everyone was great. Colin Hanks and the other supporting cast were good, but notable mention goes to Andy Serkis, who not only played a very funny Popeye-esque chef, but gave Kong his great facial expressions! Huzzah for underappreciated character actors!

Okay, enough about the actors. Do I really need to talk further about Jackson? He's awesome. His passion for the original King Kong and filmmaking in general really shine through this movie. I think if anyone else made this remake, it would have been complete crap.

Kong is quite a character. PJ just wouldn't have done his job if he didn't make you love that ape! Despite his endearment for Ann and those heartwrenching sad faces (c/o Serkis), he is one brutal simian. He certainly is not afraid to get nasty, as some dinosaurs learn first-hand.

My only real complaint about King Kong is the length. I wouldn't mind it if I couldn't find anything trimmable, but I thought a few things could stand to be cut out. I did like the feel of watching three mini-movies in one but still, three-and-a-half hours is a tad excessive.

Other than that, kudos to Jackson, he's done well. And for any bitter classic movie fans still holding out - shut up and go see it already, haha. But seriously, give it a chance. Jackson is the closest thing we have to Spielberg's old movies (not that his new work isn't wonderful...but that is for another review. Stay tuned for Munich!).

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The Family Stone

Title: The Family Stone (2005)
Dir: Thomas Bezucha
Tagline: Feel The Love.
Rating: ** out of 5 stars



For the Diamondback (though never published)....

It’s that time of year again: the gift wrapping, the snow shoveling, and worst of all, the family squabbling. In this sense, Thomas Bezucha’s The Family Stone is a true holiday film. Unfortunately, it lacks the central ingredient of a Christmas movie: heart.

When Everett Stone (Dermot Mulroney) brings his high-maintenance girlfriend Meredith (Sarah Jessica Parker) home for Christmas, his family has already decided they hate her. With her big-city lifestyle and a nervous throat-clearing tick, Meredith is an easy target for their ridicule. For most of the film, they aim to drive the woman away from their family.

Rachel McAdams portrays Amy, the angst-filled Stone sister determined to torment Meredith endlessly. Meanwhile, family matriarch, Sybil (Diane Keaton) refuses to give Everett her mother’s wedding ring for the purpose of proposing marriage to Meredith. Everett’s father (Craig T. Nelson) quietly disapproves of his son’s choice, but scolds the family for their rude behavior.

The situation becomes even more uncomfortable as Everett begins to doubt his love for Meredith, who now teeters on the verge of a breakdown from trying to impress the family. Consequently, she invites her sister Julie (Claire Danes) for emotional support. In a predictable turn of events, Everett and Julie grow closer, while Meredith loosens up with Everett’s laidback brother, Ben (Luke Wilson).

Nothing about The Family Stone will surprise you – it is formulaic and predictable. This flaw could be forgiven if the film offered likable characters or witty dialogue – no such luck. The Stone family comes across like a gang of vultures, making it near impossible to care about them when the movie expects you to. There is an overabundance of meaningless dialogue and Bezucha’s attempts at Hallmark moments are more awkward than touching.

The film’s biggest downfall is an excess of melodrama. Christmas is already an emotional time, but now throw in a handful of characters suddenly falling in love, an interracial gay couple yearning for a baby, and a terminally ill family member. This emotional overkill really drags the film down.

The Family Stone does provide the occasional chuckle, but most moments are painfully unfunny. The ensemble cast is talented, but unfortunately misused. Parker and Mulroney are believable in their roles; however, Keaton plays Sybil to the extreme and becomes an annoyance onscreen.

Danes and McAdams achieve their usual level of likeability here, but you would do better to go rent their other films. The standout performances of this movie come from Craig T. Nelson as the quiet, loving father, and Luke Wilson, who slips into his role better than he ever has before.

To its defense, the film presents a good Christmas-time message by showing the importance of not judging others. Although the Stone family behaves like a pack of wolves, they have their own troubles and their own reasons for ostracizing an outsider like Meredith. Similarly, she struggles to simply relax and trust herself.

Unfortunately, a good message and a talented cast cannot keep The Family Stone from falling short of a good holiday movie. In the end, too much drama and not enough spirit leave you out in the cold.

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First Descent

Film: First Descent
Dir: Kemp Curly and Kevin Harrison
Tagline: A story about the snowboarding revolution.
Rating: *** out of 5 stars



(My third DBK review...I'll be honest, some of this is pure bullshit)

Extreme sport documentaries have been on the rise in recent years. In 2001, Dogtown and the Z-Boys portrayed the evolution of skateboarding from punk pastime to revered sport. Soon thereafter, Step Into Liquid (2003) and Riding Giants (2004) explored the history and popularity of surfing.

It is only natural that a snowboarding documentary would follow, since skateboarding and surfing so heavily influenced the sport. First Descent, a documentary about the “snowboarding revolution,” is a worthy successor in the extreme sport documentary genre.

The film opens in Valdez, Alaska, where five of the world's greatest snowboarders have gathered to “free ride” on the highest slopes the backcountry has to offer. The gang includes Norwegian champion Terje Haakonsen, snowboarding pioneers Shawn Farmer and Nick Peralta, and teenage prodigies Shaun White and Hannah Teter.

While the crew snowboards on the steep Alaskan mountains, the movie cuts back and forth to a history of the sport itself. Narrated by musician/actor Henry Rollins, this portion of the film covers the origins of snowboarding, its rise as a favored pastime of rebellious teenagers and its gradual acceptance by the mainstream sports world.

Snowboarding initially gained attention as an outlet for angst-ridden skaters and as a nuisance to “sophisticated” skiers. With the aid of competitions and amateur videos, snowboarding was gradually respected as a real sport, and from then on its success snowballed (excuse the pun). It became so popular that skiers had no choice but to allow snowboarders onto their slopes, and the sport was introduced overseas with much hype and enthusiasm.

Directors Kemp Curly and Kevin Harrison keep the backcountry scenes exciting with zooms, aerial views and a great soundtrack spinning Jack Johnson and Foo Fighters. The historical footage and interviews are packed with amusing anecdotes from some of snowboarding's greatest. Those unfamiliar with the sport may recognize a few other appearances in the movie, such as Tony Hawk and Jeff Gordon.

The use of suspense is one of the filmmakers’ best attributes. When a snowboarder in a competition slides off a half-pipe, everything slows down and the soundtrack goes silent. After a few moments, he lands with a thunderous boom and the music kicks in. The technique is simple but quite effective.

In the free-ride mountain scenes, sometimes a snowboarder disappears amidst a cloud of white powder and you find yourself holding your breath until he or she re-emerges. As one character explains, “All around you the mountains are alive.” One mistake or one unpredictable change in the snow could mean the difference between life and death. In one tense scene, snowboarder Travis Rice narrowly escapes an avalanche.

For anyone with an interest in snowboarding, this documentary is sure to please. It takes a thorough look at the past, present and future of this beloved extreme sport. However, the film’s primary downfall might be an inability to connect with people who do not particularly like snowboarding. Nevertheless, as someone who is not a fan, I still found myself entertained and moved. First Descent should have no difficulty finding a comfortable place among its documentary predecessors.

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