Saturday, April 22, 2006

Wolf Creek

Title: Wolf Creek (2005)
Dir: Greg McLean
Rating: ** and 1/2 out of 5 stars



Man, it hasn't been a good couple of years for Australian horror. While not nearly as bad as Undead, this movie did let me down. Majorly.

I can sum up my review of Wolf Creek with the following statement: The movie did nothing that Hostel and High Tension didn't already do better.

In short, the plot involved three Australian backpackers who venture into the outback. When their car breaks down, they get a lift from a stranger who obviously turns out to be a nutjob who likes to rape, torture, and murder people. And that's it.

I don't have a problem with the simplicity of a plot like that. Honeslty, I don't. But unfortunately, that wasn't enough for McLean, who devoted the first 55 minutes (over half the film) to nothing but the backpackers' roadtrip. Basically the most boring fucking half-a-movie EVER. Unlike Hostel, this long introduction to the characters had absolutely no purpose. It didn't set the viewer up to like or dislike them, really. All it did was BORE me.

Adding insult to injury, there are some moments that are so incredibly pointless they hurt my brain. For instance, the trio spend time pondering a giant meteor crater. Since there are no meterorites or aliens in this Aussie horror, this had absolutely no point other than to say, "Look, we really are filming in Wolf Creek, Australia!" Then for no apparent reason all of their watches stop. Related to the crater, perhaps? Do not know. And DO NOT CARE. How is this relevant to anything? I thought this would somehow work its way into the plot later, but no.

Okay, so I'll touch on the good aspects. Once the ball actually gets rolling, there is some entertainment to be had. John Jarrett isn't the groundbreaking villain that Tarantino hypes him up to be, but he is pretty amusing and scary. Apparently he used to host a home and garden show in Australia. Maybe if I was familiar with that, I'd have appreciated him more - kinda like seeing Martha Stewart play a homicidal maniac. Nevertheless, he becomes a despicable fellow (which is good) and occasionally his torments are pretty funny. Oh, and his laugh is creepy.



I didn't care much for the leads. They were victims, I guess that's enough. The film packed at least one good mini-twist that I liked. As for the deaths - a few good, most disappointing. The one torture scene in the movie never really reached the point of torture, plus it started feeling more like Devil's Rejects or some crap like that.

There were only a handful of potential victims in this movie, so the variety of killings was understandably lacking. What horror the movie actually had was generally pretty good. If they had just chopped off everything prior to the trio meeting the killer, it could've been pretty good, albeit nothing new.

As I said, even its best moments were nothing that other movies hadn't already done better in the past year alone! The story of naive backpackers getting killed was covered pretty well by Hostel, plus that packed a moral point. The sheer brutality that Creek aims for was covered so much better in High Tension, as was the central female character who must save her friend(s).

My recommendations would follow the order: High Tension --> Hostel --> Wolf Creek. If after watching one or two, you still would like some more gory violence, then sure, check out Creek. Of the three, it at least has a solid, single villain you can enjoy/hate. But take my advice and fast forward through the first half.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Undead

Title: Undead (2003)
Dir: Michael Spierig and Peter Spierig
Tagline: Crazy has come to town for a visit.
Rating: ** out of 5 stars



It really really bugs me that some people praise this movie for being up-to-par or even remotely comparable to the works of Raimi, Jackson, or Romero. It definitely does not come close to touching those films, and all it does is half-assedly rip off their best assets.

Undead had such potential, too! Just look at that poster! I thought it would combine the infection-hysteria of 28 Days Later with the zombie-apocolypticism of Romero. Well, I think it was trying to, but ultimately just muddled up the genre and threw in some ridiculous attempts at gore. This movie actually makes Evil Aliens look brilliant (see previous review).

Here is the plot: Meteorites start hitting a small fishing town in the U.K., turning the residents into "zombies" that attack, kill, eat brains - you know the drill. A former beauty queen joins up with a fisherman, two cops, and a young couple to fight for survival. They discover a connection between the zombies, "acid" rain, a giant wall around the town, and some alien spaceships that keep beaming up people. What this ultimately adds up to is a whole lot of cinematic overkill.

So of course, after all the zombie slaughtering, there is a big twist ending (seems no one makes horror movies without them anymore). The ending did clarify things for me somewhat, and I admit, it was an idea with real potential. It probably should've been reserved for a more serious thriller, like what 28 Days Later was.

Instead, Undead's feeble attempts to pay homage to Peter Jackson fell flat. Every ounce of gore was unoriginal, and made even worse by the CGI. Every damn thing in this movie was ripped off of something else, and not even ripped off well! Cutting up zombies with shoptools, seen it. Watching blood splatter all over the walls, seen it. And so on and so forth. It also lifts many-a technique from Evil Dead, including the shot where it zooms in on a zombie and an enormous gust of wind blows their hair back. Call it an homage if you want; I call it laziness.

The dialogue sucks, save the occasionally funny line ("When I was a kid, we respected our parents, we didn't fucking eat them!"). The acting? MIND-NUMBING. The directing was weak, and there were many superfluous moments. For instance, at one moment the fisherman stops and realizes he must "aim for the head". He doesn't yell this out while firing, no, he stops and stares at a corpse while having the epiphany, taking up 1-2 extra minutes of film. Shooting a zombie in the head isn't exactly a novel concept, so was it really worth it to show all that? No. There was also a zombie-fish scene that was shown, in full, twice. It's completely redundant and annoyed the crap out of me.

The worst part of all is the Transporter-like action in this movie. The fisherman character randomly leaps off of walls and does backflips and shit. It isn't tongue-in-cheek, it's stupid. Even the most outrageous horror movies can only stretch logic so far.

I really can't explain why I love someone smashing a head with their bare hands in Riki-Oh but hate someone decapitating a zombie with a steering wheel Club in Undead. I guess the difference lies in how seriously a film takes itself. The absurdity this movie aims for just doesn't suit it, and it offers nothing to call its own.

Furthermore, the action scenes are repetitive - shootout after shootout after shootout. An old house is really not that different from an old tackleshop. Do something new!

Like I said, the final twist had some potential, but they mucked it up. I also liked the VERY end, where we FINALLY get to see the image on the poster. I wish they had started the movie at that point. Ah well.

Slither

Title: Slither (2006)
Dir: James Gunn
Tagline: What's Gotten Into You?
Rating: ****1/2 out of 5 stars



Finally! A new horror movie that lives up to my expectations!

Despite a bunch of assholes in the audience when I saw this, I really enjoyed the film. It isn't much of a horror movie, in terms of terror, but it is a good comedy with elements of horror. It's largely a throwback to 1980's sci-fi/horror. Hence, everybody thinks it is a remake of Night of the Creeps, which it is NOT. But if you enjoyed movies like The Blob, or even Tremors, you'll get why this movie rocks.

When Grant Grant (Michael Rooker) is infected by an alien parasite, he turns into slimy monster. He unleashes a plague of parasitic worms that take over the town, turning everyone into zombie-like beings. Grant's scared but ever-supportive wife Starla (Elizabeth Banks) teams up with sheriff Bill (Nathan Fillion of Firefly) and the town's mayor, portrayed hilariously by Gregg Henry, to battle the army of zombies and slithering alien worms.

I loved every cast member prior to this movie, and I love them even more now. Fillion doesn't simply replicate his Capt. Reynolds character (as I expected him to), but rather plays the sheriff as a more down-to-earth sorta guy who just deals with what he's given. And he delivers the best vagina joke I've heard in a long time.

The ever-wonderful Banks is great as Starla, the young bride of the monster and apple of Bill's eye. Her determination to stand by her husband, even as he is oozing pus and worms, is hilarious. But easily the scene-stealer of the film is Henry, who tries to be badass but is the token scaredy-cat of the film. The funniest lines of the film come courtesy of this character - you will love him. I've loved this guy since Payback (1999) and I really wish he would get more stand-out roles like this.



Writer/director James Gunn could be the next break-out horror filmmaker. I think he has a lot of potential. He knows his audience well, most likely because he is a horror buff himself. His sense of humor is well-timed and appropriately dark. He provides a good level of gore, but not really too much. Or perhaps I am just immune to it now? I dunno. I didn't find it as gross as people say, but then again, slimy worms and half-eaten dogs don't make my stomach turn.

Slither appeals to a wide audience because it is clever, scary, funny, but most importantly, fun. This is not a film geared exclusively toward genre-worshipping geeks like myself. It is a horror comedy that can be embraced by cult fans and mainstream fans alike. So unless you have a weak-stomach or a worm phobia, get your ass to the theatre and see Slither while you still can.

Just Friends

Title: Just Friends (2005)
Dir: Roger Kumble
Tagline: He lovers her. She loves him not.
Rating: *** out of 5 stars



I liked this one a lot more than I expected. It's a paint-by-numbers romantic comedy, but the cast delivers just enough quirkiness to give Just Friends an extra boost.

Ryan Reynolds plays Chris, a man who was tormented in high school for being overweight and desperately in love with his best friend, Jamie (Amy Smart). Now ten years older, a hundred pounds lighter, and a helluva lot richer, Chris unexpectedly returns home to New Jersey when his private jet gets held up.

Realizing he still has feelings for Jamie, he tries to win her over but a few things get in his way, including a psychotic pop star (Anna Faris) stalking him and a geek-turned-Mr-Perfect who has the hots for Jamie (Chris Klein).

Reynolds is more likable here than he has been in some time. I have grown so sick of that same smartass character he plays in EVERYTHING, but he is a little more down-to-earth here. I also liked Klein more then usual because he branches out beyond that dim-but-lovable-jock character he's always stuck in. In Friends, he gets to be both sweetheart and asshole, both of which pay off for him.

Stealing the show is Scary Movie alum Anna Faris who plays a Britney Spears clone with an added level of craziness. Most of the film's laugh-out-loud moments come courtesy of her. She basically has the typical airhead role, but she made it her own. I also got a kick out of Chris' little bro, played by Chris Marquette (Girl Next Door), who other critics don't seem to like much, but I do. Deal with it.

The film isn't very original, and delivers the expected "be true to yourself" message, but it's just sweet and funny enough to keep most people interested. There isn't an overabundance of sex or potty jokes, which helps. It's not brilliant, but c'mon, you knew that. It's another holiday-based romantic comedy, and if you approach it with those simple expectations, you will be pleased.

Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki

Title: Riki-Oh: The Story of Riki aka Lik wong (1991)
Dir: Ngai Kai Lam
Rating: **** out of 5 stars



I'm so glad Netflix recommended this movie to me because me and Riki-Oh were made for each other. It is nothing short of a classic and every cult-film lover MUST see it.

Let me preface by saying: this is not a "good" movie. But let's face it, neither was Dead Alive. These are a very special type of film that I hold close to my heart. They are cheesy, gory, and above all, hilarious.

You've probably seen some of this movie and never knew it. If you ever watched The Daily Show when Craig Kilborn hosted, I guarantee you saw some of it. Remember that clip of an Asian dude smashing another guy's head between his hands? Or the one where a fat dude shakes, swells up, and explodes? If so, you saw two awesome shots from Riki-Oh. But that was just the top of the iceburg. This movie gets CRAZY gory and in the most absurb ways. It's fantastic!



Even though the plot hardly matters, here it is: Riki is put in prison after he seeks revenge on some drug dealers who kidnapped his girlfriend. In this "futuristic" prison, the guards are corrupt and an elite group of prisoners are in charge. Riki, being a swell kinda guy, defends the little guys and consequently pisses off the prison badasses. From there on, he fights all kinds of crazy villains, including a Sumo-sized dude, the 4 deadly leaders of the prison's quadrants, and the corrupt warden himself.

Riki-Oh is based on a manga of the same name, and from what I've seen, it's pretty darn accurate. The source material also explains the overabundance of blood in the movie (ya know how anime is), and thank goodness because it makes the movie what it is. The effects are SO cheesy and so so so fake, but it's absolutely glorious! Some of the gore is pretty damn clever, even if it looks ridiculously fake.

The characters, namely the villains, are also great and memorable. The shitty acting and horrible dubbing won't win it any Oscars, but they definitely enhance the humor.

This is not a movie for most mainstream viewers, but if you like films in the vein of Evil Dead 2 and Bad Taste, for the love of all that is unholy, watch Riki-Oh!

Puddle Cruiser

Title: Puddle Cruiser (1996)
Dir: Jay Chandrasekhar
Rating: ** and a 1/2 out of 5 stars



I would first like to point out that there is not a single cheerleader in this movie. The marketing does not at ALL reflect what the film is about. So...don't get your hopes up, boys.

But if you love Broken Lizard (as I do), this movie should still interest you. For the uninformed, they are the troupe behind Super Troopers and Club Dread. Long before those two films, BL made an indie flick in college called Puddle Cruiser.

No matter what, they get my respect for putting together a movie in their college years. Apparently it's a dream I shall never achieve myself. So, power to them. As it turns out, the film isn't bad. Obviously, it can't compare to its successors, but its a pretty decent first try.

The lead in this one, Felix Bean, is played by Steve Lemme (aka: Mac from Troopers). He falls for a law student who has a boyfriend, and ends up having to play rugby against her jealous boyfriend. Jay Chandra....ya know...plays his supportive best friend, while the rest of Lizard makes up the supporting characters.

Paul Soter and Kevin Heffernan play two pranksters on trial for stealing food - they are pretty irrelevant to the central plot, but occasionally funny. Erik Stolhanske really steals the movie as a weird hippie named Freaky Reaky. He is easily the funniest part of the film.

There are a lot of moments that drag, and the amateur status of the movie really shows. I cannot blame BL much, considering how young they were and this was their first real go at it. Clearly, their acting and filmmaking talents have improved tremendously since then.

I would recommend Puddle Cruiser to hardcore Lizard fans who want to see the group's early years. However, I would not recommend it to anyone else because it is pretty lacking as a comedy. Sorry, guys :-\

American Dreamz

Title: American Dreamz (2006)
Dir: Paul Weitz
Tagline: Imagine a country where the President never reads the newspaper, where the government goes to war for all the wrong reasons, and more people vote for a pop idol than their next President.
Rating: *** out of 5 stars



For the Diamondback...

Paul Weitz’s American Dreamz features Arab terrorists, a dimwitted president, and Iraq war veterans, but don’t simply dismiss it as another preachy political film. This ballsy new comedy simultaneously satirizes American pop culture, our ongoing conflict with the Middle East, and all the stereotypes involved therein.

Fresh on the heels of Thank You For Smoking, another bold political satire, Dreamz similarly throws political correctness out the window and aims for absurdity. Although occasionally muddled, the film achieves some genuine laughs, largely thanks to its quirky cast of characters.

Leading the stellar cast is Hugh Grant, who plays against type as cocky, fowl-mouthed television star, Martin Tweed. Bearing a not-so-subtle resemblance to American Idol’s Simon Cowell, Tweed hosts “American Dreamz”, an immensely popular reality show where young hopefuls compete to become America’s next pop music sensation.

Among the contestants is southern sweetheart, Sally Kendoo (Mandy Moore, Saved!), who pursues her dreams of fame with ruthless ambition. Her strongest competition comes from a showtune-loving Iraqi named Omer (newcomer Sam Golzari), who finds himself involved with terrorists bent on a televised attack.

The second subplot of Dreamz involves President Staton, portrayed by Dennis Quaid (In Good Company). The god-fearing, grammatically-challenged commander-in-chief is an obvious parody of President Bush. Tired of his advisors spoon-feeding him lines, Staton grows weary of his job and hides in his bedroom reading newspapers. Desperate for good PR, the Chief of Staff (Willem Dafoe, Spider-Man) volunteers the president to guest-judge on “American Dreamz”.

With the final “Dreamz” competition comes a shocking, but hilarious ending. If your jaw isn’t on the floor, you will surely be laughing at the absurdity of it all.

Writer/director Weitz, who has tackled both heart-warming (About A Boy) and raunchy (American Pie), delivers a bold piece of satire with Dreamz. Narrow-minded viewers are bound to mistake his witty characters for offensive stereotypes. Despite what you may hear, the film does not portray all Arabs as terrorists, but in fact mocks such stereotypes with their own absurdity. When we see black-clad soldiers crossing monkey bars in the desert with a caption that simply reads, “Terrorist Training Camp”, it should already be obvious that this is satire.

The movie also spoofs ratings-moguls like “American Idol” and the contestants they exploit. Fans of the show should chuckle at the many inside jokes, including the British host’s snide remarks (“You make me want to projectile vomit”) and wannabes suspiciously resembling Clay Aiken, Fantasia Barrino, and Bo Bice.

The melding of pop culture and politics is not always successful. While I give the writer/director credit for having the cajones to make a comedy involving terrorism, the film is occasionally cluttered and its message made unclear. Furthermore, Weitz attempts to inject heart into all the cynicism, but it barely shines through. Eventually you realize the movie is about staying true to yourself, but this is not apparent until the final 1/3 of the film.

Sloppy as the movie may sometimes feel, it makes it up with witty dialogue and an impressive cast of characters. Grant, who abandons the nice guy roles he is famous for, steals the show as Tweed. Moore, a former teen singer, turns a great performance and proves herself superior to the pop princesses that her character is spoofing. Meanwhile, Quaid provides an amusing impression of Bush, but I much preferred watching Dafoe ham it up as the Chief of Staff.

Golzari is lovable and believable as the young Iraqi with conflicts of loyalty. This is truly his story, and rightfully so. Still, the film’s supporting characters supply most of the laughs, including Omer’s flamboyant cousin Iqbal (Tony Yalda) and a sleazy Hollywood agent played by Seth Meyers of “Saturday Night Live.”

Rounding out the supporting cast are Chris Klein (American Pie) as Sally’s naïve high-school sweetheart, and Marcia Gay Harden (Mona Lisa Smile) as a Laura Bush clone, who is apparently overcoming an addiction to happy pills. Unfortunately, this side story is abandoned, and therefore should have been cut entirely.

There are a few neglected storylines such as that, and a few moments of extraneous dialogue that should have been dropped. Such sloppiness drags the film down, but Dreamz still provides a fun time at the movies. The satire is very relevant, and might make you feel uncomfortable at times, but it does not depress nor preach to its audience. Instead, it boldly reminds us that the world’s problems are no reason to stop laughing.