The Expendables

Film: The Expendables (2010)
Dir: Sylvester Stallone
Rating: ** out of 5 stars



Nobody was more excited than I when Sylvester Stallone announced he was making The Expendables. I may not be the typical demographic for these movies, but the concept and the cast sounded awesome, especially after the wonderful bloodbath that was 2008’s Rambo. Yet somehow Stallone let me down with this one. The cast is underwhelming, the writing is groan-worthy, and the action is seriously lacking. A few moments deliver the goods – in the form of action and/or cheesy humor - but they are too few and far-between.

Stallone plays Barney Ross, the leader of a mercenary team called “The Expendables.” They are hired for a very dangerous mission on the island of Vilena. In true action movie fashion, the gang is unwittingly set-up and almost killed. And of course, there is a beautiful woman involved. Against better judgment, the gang faces off with a corrupt American business man (Eric Roberts), a puppet general (David Zayaz), and a South American army to rescue said woman and her people from a cruel dictatorship. Needless to say, lots of muscle flexing, gunfire, and explosions ensue.

The initial idea of accumulating all the best 80s action stars into one modern movie sounded great. Then as certain actors refused to be involved, the concept turned into 80s-action-stars-meet-modern-action-stars, which is not nearly as cool, but okay, I was open to it. The additions of Jason Statham and Jet Li made sense, even if I’m not a big fan of either. But Randy Couture , Steven Austin, and Terry Crews? Come on. It’s nice to see Stallone alongside Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, and Dolph Lundgren. And I wish Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger weren’t merely cameos but I can’t say I am surprised. Still, no Seagal? No Van Damme? No Norris? Couldn’t they at least nab Carl Weathers? What a shame. This self-proclaimed 80’s action reunion is a major let-down.

One of the better aspects of The Expendables is Lundgren as the reckless, junkie Expendable who can’t be trusted. He has the good fortune of playing the team’s wildcard, and he gets some hilariously corny dialogue. Roberts also gets to chew scenery as the film’s villain. These cheesy moments are just about the only thing worth watching in the movie. There is also an occasional cool action sequence – namely, one involving Terry Crew’s gun. Unfortunately, the scattered cool moments do not outweigh the painfully bad ones. Eighty-percent of the dialogue in this film is unbearable, and that doesn’t even include the corny-funny lines. It often makes no sense, or wanders off on pointless tangents.

Part of the film’s downfall can be attributed to the hype, but really it was never going to be a good movie. It was always intended to be one giant name-dropping cluster-fuck of a movie rather than anything with real substance. It doesn’t even excel at being a brainless, fun action film. The few attempts to revisit Rambo’s bloody glory fell flat with terrible CGI gore. There is so much wasted potential here it hurts. But if Sly gives it another shot, I'll still show up, looking for that epic 80's throwback I was promised.

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The Other Guys

Film: The Other Guys (2010)
Dir: Adam McKay
Rating: *** out of 5 stars



Despite the fact that Adam McKay has not made a solid comedy feature since Anchorman, his movies keep me coming back. Why? Perhaps it's the actors with which he surrounds himself, or perhaps I keep hoping he will strike gold again. Perhaps I am just a brainless theater drone like many other Americans. Either way, his latest effort sucked me in again, but this one is better than I expected. It is still marred by the occasional awkward or painfully unfunny moment, but it does have some good laughs and fun, tongue-in-cheek action.

Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg play police detectives who are the laughing stock of their precinct. Terry (Wahlberg) yearns to repair his reputation by getting out in the field, while his partner Allen (Ferrell) prefers to hide behind his desk and crunch numbers. As the titular "other guys", they are constantly out-shadowed by a pair of hot-shots hero cops (played perfectly by Dwayne Johnson and Samuel L. Jackson). That is until they stumble upon a suspicious case involving a high-profile robbery, a shady capitalist (Steve Coogan), and the NYPD itself.

The Other Guys steps up the maturity level from McKay's previous films. There is less randomness and more of a story here. McKay is going for a Lethal Weapon-esque buddy cop film. Not only is it infused with big-budget action but also socioeconomic commentary. McKay takes on corporate bailouts and other bad business practices, while simultaneously sticking up for police officers. This becomes overwhelmingly obvious during the end credit sequence. Until that point, the commentary is pretty subtle and does not detract from the humor.

So how funny is it? Not as funny as you've probably been hearing, but it does have some solid laughs. Ferrell's usual randomness rears its ugly head, and Wahlberg is not as hilariously angry as he could/should be (blame the PG-13 rating, perhaps?). Still, some greatness comes through, including a running gag about Allen's college years. Not surprisingly, the supporting characters steal the movie, among them being Michael Keaton, Bobby Cannavale, Rob Riggle, and Ray Stevenson. But perhaps the most memorable are the relatively unknown Natalie Zea and Brett Gelman, who play a married couple, and give us one of the film's funniest scenes.

So how is the action? Well, it's silly, but that is the idea. The opening sequence is delightfully over-the-top. The action sequences are also supported by a fun soundtrack, which includes such eclectic choices as Wyclef Jean, The White Stripes, Rage Against the Machine, Donovan, TLC, Goldfrapp, and Phil Collins. Yep.

To fanboys/girls like myself, McKay's foray into action/comedy is of special importance since the powers-that-be have handed him the reins to the film adaptation of Garth Ennis' The Boys. I believe The Other Guys is a step in the right direction, and should settle a few fanboy doubts. McKay is still not the ideal choice for that film, but now there is at least some hope he can pull it off.

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Dinner for Schmucks

Film: Dinner for Schmucks (2010)
Dir: Jay Roach
Rating: *1/2 out of 5 stars



Here is yet another movie supporting the not-so-old adage that remakes never prosper. Jay Roach's latest comedy is an American update of the French film, Le dîner de cons (aka The Dinner Game). While I have not yet seen that film, I hear it is incredibly funny. Sadly, but not surprisingly, Schmucks does not live up. Good actors and a few titter-worthy moments cannot save the film from its own painful awkwardness.

Tim (Paul Rudd) is a corporate drone trying desperately to impress his superiors and move up the ladder. Once he finds his way into their graces, they invite him to a monthly dinner where each invitee must bring an idiot to make fun of. He finds the perfect guest in Barry (Steve Carell), a loser and complete moron who turns dead mice into artwork. However, Tim's girlfriend opposes the dinner, thus putting a strain on their relationship. Meanwhile, Tim fears she may be running around with a sex-crazed artist (Jemaine Clement).

Paul Rudd unwittingly reprises his Role Models character as a guy with a rocky relationship who gets stuck hanging out with a loser, whom he initially hates but eventually considers a friend. Believe me, this is not a spoiler, it's very predictable. Furthermore, we are supposed to sympathize with this character, even though he deserves everything he gets. He makes stupid decisions and is downright mean. Granted, this is the point, but the plot is so formulaic that nobody cares when Tim realizes who the true "schmuck" is.

Carell is barely likable here because he is so misused. He is watered down by lame jokes, and comes across as overwhelmingly obnoxious, so much that he doesn't seem realistic. For most of the movie you just feel sorry for him, especially after Therman (Zack Galifianakis) is introduced. Zack, much like Steve, is misused and consequently not as funny as he usually is. I generally love both of these men but here they come across as excessively silly and childish thanks to a weak script. Lucy Punch is another funny actor wasted on bad writing. At least I liked David Walliams in this, though he plays it straight, mostly. Clement has his good moments, too, although not as hilarious as some people are claiming (Conchords bias, perhaps?).

The titular dinner scene is the best part of the film. A large part of that is probably because this scene involves Chris O'Dowd, who is my favorite performance, despite being in the film for less than 10 minutes. And that's not just IT Crowd bias, I assure you. His cameo as a "schmuck" is pretty great. Him and Barry's incredibly well-made "mouseterpieces" are about the only things worth remembering from this film.

The jokes are lame, childish, and sometimes painfully unfunny. There are too many uncomfortable moments wrongfully disguised as comedy. Jay Roach did the same thing to a lesser degree in Meet the Parents. Schmucks is certainly not unwatchable, it has its amusing moments, but do not waste your time and money seeing this in a theater. You may even want to skip it on DVD if you can find something better. With such a fantastic cast, I would understand if you ignore my advice. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

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