Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The Fantastic Four

Title: The Fantastic Four (2005)
Dir: Tim Story
Tagline: Prepare for the fantastic.
Rating: *1/2 out of 5 stars

What can one say about The Fantastic Four that hasn't already been said in dozens of brutal reviews?


Not much. I didn't hate the movie as much as I expected. Sure the acting was horrible, and sure the special effects were special like a child with Down's Syndrome, and sure the film completely violated the comic books. But is that any reason to dislike it? haha, of course. Still, I'm pretty apathetic toward it. Just another piece of crap comic book adapation.

My primary motivation for seeing this was Julian McMahon as Dr. Doom (see above). I love me some Nip/Tuck. I didn't care for him at the beginning (just the same ol rich-asshole character, but not nearly as interesting as Christian Troy), but as his evilness increased, he got more intriguing. His powers and his wicked costume make Dr. Doom cool no matter what. He is pretty much the best part of the movie. Yes, better than everybody's favorite wise-cracking human torch. Eh, Johnny Storm was okay. I do enjoy snapping and saying, "...but everywhere!"

Sue Storm and The Thing were fuckin annoying as hell. And the movie has SO many ridiculous plot holes and errors, it is mind boggling. Do these people even watch the film before they release it?

Seriously, do monkeys write their screenplays? Ok, probably not. That'd be wishful thinking.

Despite my bitching, it's no Uwe Boll. It's not Orca. It's just another run-of-the-mill Marvel turd (this of course excludes quality work from quality directors such as Bryan Singer). Watch at your own risk, citizen.