Saturday, January 10, 2009

Worst Films of 2008

I don't give two shit about any of these movies, so I will be saying SPOILERS. Read at your own risk!

5) Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (Dir: Steven Spielberg)

The 50's setting was a little odd but the movie started out with real potential. Then the ever-rigid Harrison Ford survived a nuclear blast in a fridge (see below) and Shia swung with the monkeys. And killer ants. And aliens. Oh god, the aliens. Goddamn you, George Lucas.

4) Hancock (Dir: Peter Berg)

Again, this movie started off good with some humor and decent action scenes. Then it completely goes to shit in the second act. The twist is annoying and suddenly the movie becomes some epic immortal love story. The mood of the film completely changes and goes off-track. Not to mention the CGI effects are awful.

3) Eagle Eye (Dir: DJ Caruso)

An over-the-top, unsuspenseful movie that could have been an intense Big Brother thriller if only it had been put in good hands. This entire film is generally BS, but the ending really sent it over the edge. The twist is also completely predictable and has been done endless times before (even this year, in WALL-E). It probably set a new record for eye-rolling in 2008.

2) Diary of the Dead (Dir: George Romero)

I did not think it could get much worse than Land of the Dead - I was so wrong. This movie is absurdly written, poorly directed, and horribly acted. The dialogue is TERRIBLE and Romero's attempts at social commentary are so obvious and heavy-handed these days. The actors are laughably bad. Horrible, horrible, horrible movie. Below is a scene I particularly hated from the film's ending. Just one example of Romero's overwrought attempts at moral criticism.

Full review:

1) Disaster Movie (Dir: Who cares?)

I skimmed through a couple minutes of this on YouTube, but I decided that is enough to deem it the worst movie of this year. It has absolutely nothing to do with disaster movies; instead, it simply re-creates scenes from popular movies and makes them incredibly stupid, or refers to pop culture references that are months old. In other words, an absolute crime against humanity.

I did not see The Happening, The Hottie and the Nottie, 10,000 BC, 88 Minutes, Love Guru, Witless Protection, or Repo! A Genetic Opera. They would have surely given me a full worst list if I had, though.