Evil Aliens

Title: Evil Aliens (2005)
Dir: Jake West
Tagline: A Bloody Close Encounter.
Rating: *** out of 5 stars



This film proves there really is a thin line between brilliant and stupid. And that one man's trash is another man's treasure. For instance, I grew up hating the movie Orca but some consider it a "cult classic". To me it's just another waste of celluloid that belongs on the Sci Fi Channel at 3am.

Evil Aliens is similar. I guess you'll love it or hate the fuck out of it. You must have a taste for weird Peter Jackson-esque humor, but also vulgar British humor. And lots of gratuitious sexuality. And some hardcore gore. And bad dialogue. And god awful CGI.

The movie begins with a Welsh girl being abducted - and impregnanted - by aliens. A sci-fi tv program, getting wind of her story, goes to film her testimony and a re-enactment of the abduction. The host, a story-hungry slut, brings along two prissy actors (one female, the other male but practically female), a cameraman, a sound guy, and a nerdy "alien expert."

They encounter the aliens, who are tearing apart cattle - and people. You can guess the rest: they try to leave, but can't, and so they must fight off the aliens. Etc etc etc.

I think my biggest beef with this movie is the computer graphics. I cannot take CGI in a horror film, especially as bad as this. Like one scene has a guy impaled through the mouth upon a big wooden stake. Now if you can't think of a more creative way to do that, or you cant afford a dummy to impale, don't film it. The CGI used for the scene is just ridiculous.

All the actors initially annoyed the crap out of me, but they get better. The lead girl is a bitch and I don't really care for her. The nerdy guy bugged me, too. The cameraman gets better toward the end, but spends most of the film being worthless.

Surprisingly, the bimbo blonde actress turns out to be one of the most fun to watch. She goes from seemingly vulnerable to shotgun-wielding badass, and yet the transition is not ridiculous like in most movies. I can't explain why it works in this film, it just does. Along with an old Welsh farmer, she kicks some alien ass and the pair are very entertaining.



Evil Aliens has a lot of nonsense moments, and stuff that made me roll my eyes. Namely, alien-on-human sex. Just silly. I guess that's the point, but I could've done without it.

So how is the gore? Maybe it's just me, but the scene of a guy getting drilled (yes, literally DRILLED) in the asshole...eh, not my cup o tea. I like blood as much as the next gorehound, but this just seemed over-the-top.

There are some genuinely good moments later on, though, including;

- three Welsh farmers face off with the aliens (chainsaw involved = always good)
- blondie takes on a shed full of aliens using a variety of shop tools - a presumed homage to Dead Alive
- a character driving a mechanical harvester....well, use your imagination.
- my favorite: i won't spoil it but it involves severed legs and an alien fetus.

For those scenes alone, I'd probably recommend seeing the movie once. Like I said, some of it is really good shit. There's a funny epilogue too, so stay tuned for that.

This one isn't for everybody. Horror fans should find enjoyment, but be warned of the silliness and shitty CGI. Non-horror fans....well, why are you even reading this? Move along to the next review.